▶ Your Answer : Factory farming is a
modern agricultural practice that mass produces animals to meet the food
consumption/demand of humans. Factory farms house a large number of animals to be raised
for food in a confined space of farms to minimize operation costs, and the mass
production drives down the food prices as they could produce an excess amount of
animals to meet the demand. However, except for offering humans an abundant amount
of cheaper food, factory farming is an unhealthy agricultural practice to both
humans and the environment. Factory farming contributed to serious pollution
problems, the animal treatments are inhumane and it has smothered the business
opportunity of traditional farms and its workers by occupying their markets .
Therefore, I strongly support that factory farming should be banned. I shall
explain my point of view in the following essay.
First of all, factory
farming creates much pollution in on our environment. Producing livestock in
massive amounts would require much resources, and produce huge amounts of
waste at the same time. Especially when the density of livestocks is
extraordinarily high, large amount of wastes will be created. When the wastes
are disposed at the same time, the high concentration of wastes could immediately pollute do
immediate pollution to the environment. <Need better coherence> Areas near to the factory farms are
found with serious pollution problems. Many woodlands are cleared for building
the factory farms, thus the soil is in poor condition and that is no longer fertile. The
nearby water source, such as rivers, is contaminated with wastes that the water
quality turns bad with a horrible smell. The land will not be suitable for human
settlement anymore.
Secondly, factory farms
are also known for the cruel treatments to animals. The animals are caged
together in a dark dirty room which is very was so crowded that they cannot even move
their bodies. Instead of natural growth and mating, they are forced to be
injected with different kinds of chemicals to boost body mass and reproduction. They
cannot have their natural diet. They all have miserable short lives before
getting killed to be our food.
Thirdly, factory farms have has been replacing traditional farms rapidly for its cheap food and efficiency.
In recent years, the majority of food was supplied by factory farms. Since
factory farming has become very consolidated in the agricultural sector, the
market for traditional farming products are diminishing. Factory farms are able
to offer greater amount of food in cheaper prices with low operation cost, and traditional farmers are out-competed as they can never have a bug scale of
business like factory farms. They have to afford relatively higher operation
costs due to their smaller scale of business that their products are more
expensive. Thus, traditional farmers cannot sustain their business or even earn
a living.
To sum up, factory
farming is not an acceptable agricultural practice, for it causes serious
pollution problems, have having no moral conscience on animal treatments, threatens
traditional farming business and exploits its workers. Occupying a large
proportion of the market does not doesnt mean the business is just. If the wealth of the
business came from pollution to the shared environment, unnecessary inhumane
treatment on animals and exploitation on its workers, it would never be a
morally just company, and it does not deserve our support. When we are
consuming food from factory farms, we are at the same time consuming the
cruelty behind the industry. In fact, we could replace factory farming by other
alternatives anytime we want. Our choices are not that limited,. There are
always better options for food such as traditional farming and organic farming, and they operate in a more natural and humane way than factory farming. Ourselves,
as autonomous and rational beings, should make the right choice on food
consumption instead of being misled by a price tag. Therefore, we should say no
to factory farming and factory farming should be banned. <(Conclusion이 너무 wordy하게 들립니다. 내용을 조금 더 summarize해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 질문에 대한 답이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 전체적으로 coherence/cohesion에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 silly/small mistakes가 너무 많으십니다. Plurality/시제/article/전치사/run-on sentence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 introduction과 conclusion을 조금 더 summarize해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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