Many experts have noted that people in modern society do not exercise often.
What is a cause and solution to this problem?
These days, innumerable mankind is going through lack of exercise more often compared to the last decade. In this respect, many physical trainers have become concerned because this kind of problem is getting bigger and bigger as time passes. In response to this severe problem, human beings need to set goals that are suitable for them.
First of all, the reason why people do not
work out often is because they want to experience effects of exercise. (바로, 단기간에 등의 표현이 들어가야겠죠.) However,
it is a well-known fact that improvements through the exercise are invariably
gradual. In this regard, people who are not patient easily give up easily their
physical activities. For example, 60% of people who gave up exercise responded
that they couldn’t (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) feel any senses of motivation and pleasure through exercise
as they did not experience prompt results. As example clearly shows, the main
reason why people in society do not work out often is because there are no proper
motivations.
Therefore, human beings who start working out need to set an appropriate exercise program. Many experts believe that by setting a proper program containing realistic goals could lead to advancement of physical abilities. For instance, people who made realistic plan exercise more on a regular basis than who are not. This clearly illustrates that setting goals could give positive effects on beginner who start working out. For this reason, it is important to set realistic goals that match one’s fitness level. (이 두 문장은 결과적으로 서로 같은 말을 하고 있으며, 문단의 첫 문장과도 같은 맥락에서 가고 있기 때문에 사실 논리 전개상 크게 의미있는 문장은 아닙니다. 실제 realistic plan의 예시를 들거나 해서 내용을 보완해주세요~참고로, 이는 본론1의 마지막 문장에도 똑같이 적용됩니다.)
To summarize, although people do not exercise often these days, if people try to fix this sort of problem by setting suitable their own goals, they could work out regularly.
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
지금 7점은 표현이 깔끔해서 얻어낸 것이지, 내용상으로는 많이 아쉬운 글이었습니다. 글의 실질적인 살에 해당하는 '근거' 혹은 부연설명이 그렇게 잘 되어있지 않기 때문에 채점관에 따라 최종적으로 6.5로 내려갈 확률도 매우 높아요. (대신 이 글에 한해서 6.0 이하는 절대 안 나옵니다.) 고로 비슷한 말을 반복하기보단, 문단 후반부로 갈수록 점점 구체적인 살을 붙이는 연습을 해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)
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