Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?
Nowadays, there are many portable devices that people can easily use the Internet internet to get information. The advent of the Internet has was changed everything in our lives. Especially people can communicate with others very easily, so that brought a huge difference to us.
Before the Internet came out, People people used to write letters to communicate with others. It was actually very inefficient because the letters were delivered by mailmen, so It it took a long time to get letters. However, applied with the Internet applied to our lives, It it started to make our lives comfortable. It not only let us send messages immediately to our family and friends, but also it helped us to talk to each other, seeing each other's faces. Moreover, Social social media is popular these days, we can communicate with people who have the same interests although who we've never met before. The advent of the Internet led to an extension of communication.
On the other hand, because of the Internet, many people, especially younger people have changed. They prefer chatting with others and watching movies or series via their smartphone to meeting people and hanging out with them. They want to meet their friends online, and they like to make a text message instead of talking in person they don't want to talk but texting. If this problem spreads all around our society, it will be a serious problem (바로 앞에 있는 표현이니까 가급적이면 대체해주세요~). It's (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) possible that it brings the underproductivity in the society.
In conclusion, the Internet has been helping us to live more comfortably, but It it could make bad effects such as laziness. I agree that thanks to the Internet we can be easily connected with others, but we have to be careful about its side effects.
총평: (6/7/6/7) 6.5
전반적으로 특정 부분에서 크게 문제가 되는 사항은 없었습니다만, 단어 사용이 조금 단조로웠다는 점은 아쉽네요. 또한 tiel님의 실력을 고려했을 때, 대소문자 문제가 꽤 있는 것도 약간의 아쉬움으로 남습니다.이러한 사항에 조금 더 집중해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)