Some people say that arts subjects such as painting, or
drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is
often argued that arts subjects in high school are not necessary while others believe
that these are as important as other academic subjects such as mathematics or science (단순히 여기서 그치는 것이 아니라, compulsory 관련 사항을 넣을 수 있어야 합니다.). Personally, I do agree with the former point of view.
In the period of high school, painting
or drawing courses can be a waste of time for most students. After high school
life, those subjects are almost not helpful in real life except for those who
want further study in arts at university. Instead of them, academic and practical
classes such as mathematics, science, or even computing should be taught more to
support students when they go to college. For example, when I was a high school
student, I spent relatively much time on getting high score for arts subjects by
memorizing the fact of arts or drawing skills because I needed it to go to a better university but this time was entirely wasted as I decided to study computer
engineering at university.
At the same time, I believe that arts
subjects should at least be a selective course to give students more benefits. High schoolers
should be able to focus more on other subjects related to their career path.
For example, for those interested in music, the composition of songs or musical
instrument practices are better and more effective, while for those trying to be
athletics, painting or drawing subjects are not practical to come true their
dream. By doing this, they do not have to feel like they are not given much
time in high school.
In conclusion, it seems to me that arts
subjects should not be compulsory and can be replaced by other better subjects
or by other ways for students’ future career. (그러나, 선택 과목으로는 남아야 한다~라고 적어주셔야 본론 두 번째 문단을 정당화시킬 수 있습니다.)
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
일단 표현상으로 크게 문제가 없었기 때문에 채점관에 따라 6.5-7.0까지는 괜찮을 겁니다. 대신, 지금 글의 경우 부분동의의 입장을 취해주셨는데 이때 정말 주의해주셔야 합니다. 개인적으로는 아예 논란의 여지조차 주지 않기 위해 부분동의는 건드리지 않는 걸 추천드리지만, 굳이 부분동의를 하시겠다면 반드시 제가 결론에 표시해드린 것과 같은 문제점이 나지 않도록 체크해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)