People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
People have divergent opinions concerning the best way to succeed in life. One the one hand, some people believe concentrating on a single skill is useful for developing detailed expertise, but on the other hand, there are those who say that having many skills in different areas can help a person to adapt to various environments.
First, concentrating on a single skill can increase the possibility of economic success. According to the mass media, most people who succeed economically in their life have the one unique skill, and they also thought their skill contributes to their success. As being Being one of the experts in workplace, they utilized their knowledge or experience and achieved success. (이 문단의 경우 '왜' '어떻게' 에 대한 설명이 너무 부족한 편입니다.)
Moreover, market wants to find a specialist who has detailed expertise in one area. There are a lot of industries today. Many companies need a specialist who can introduce new technology and take the lead in market. For example, there are many job transfer offers in Seoul, Korea, because today, the market is very competitive and companies try to find special employee having a great talent in order to survive fierce industry world. In this regard, as time goes by, demand of specialists in the workplace will continue to rise.
Overall, there are various opinions about the best way to succeed. I personally believe that concentrating on a single skill can be the most important factor of success, because most people that achieved success to get success in their life chose choose it as the key factor and companies today want to find employees that have having a special one skill to take the next step.
해커스 첨삭을 처음 받아보는데, 부족한 부분이 많은것 같습니다. 첨삭 감사드립니다 !!
총평: (5/6/7/6) 6.0
처음 치고 이정도면 그래도 준수한 편입니다. 부족한 부분들은 앞으로 차차 고쳐나가면 될 거에요. 현재 본론에 그렇게 살이 많이 붙은 상황이 아니며, 단순히 비슷한 말로 돌려막는 걸 볼 수 있습니다. 특히 본론1이 그런 상황이고요. 제가 본론2에서 초록색 표시해드린 부분들이 '살' 에 어느정도 해당하는데, 저런 내용들이 본론1에도 더 있어야 합니다.
아마 다음 글에서도 살을 붙이는데 어려움을 겪으실 겁니다. 이를 해결하기 위해서 모범답안을 많이 보시고, 해당 답안에서 어떠한 근거를 이용했는지, 그리고 이를 어떻게 설명했는지를 참고해서 분석해보세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)