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There are two types of view about information which is good or bad to share.(서론 조금 더 보강해주셔야 합니다. 그 두 types of view가 무엇인지 조금 더 구체적으로 나와야 해요.)
First, the opinion is On the one hand, sharing information is good for society. For an example, when I share the information about a pubilc health such as Covid19.(문장이 끝날 위치가 아닙니다. 뒷문장과 연결해주세요.) It is very important to know for residential people. If Some people who is lack of information can’t cannot(축약어는 풀어서 써주세요) get a information about public health care.(이 문장은 논리적으로 말이 안 됩니다. 정보가 부족한 사람은-> 공중보건에 대한 정보를 획득할 수 없다 라는 연결이 결국 앞뒤가 같은 말을 반복하고 있는 것이거든요.) It maybe cause a big problems in our society. If the health care department can share information about public health with government and drugstore, it can be a great information about solved great to solve the problems of Covid19.(단순히 great하다고 하면 추상적으로 느껴집니다. 구체적으로 어떤 방식을 통해 도움이 된다는 것인지가 나타나야 합니다.)
Also It is getting a big data about public health.
On the other hand, the other opinion is that some information is too important or valuable to be shared for free. Some information which has serious data is hard to be shared with the public things.(+이유가 덧붙여져야 합니다. 그렇지 않으면 앞 문장의 반복에 불과합니다.) I will give an example about that. If you take a test such as IELTS, the answers and questions never can’t cannot be shared without permission of Cambridge. Because This is because there are so many people who paid apply to take a the test with paid. So(문장을 and, so, but 으로 시작하는 것을 피해주세요) people who is already paid about the exam can only take the information about IELTS(어떤 의미인가요?).
Both sides of view are very helpful about how to share a information. In my opinion, the society should try to share about serious information. Also individuals people who has have a lot of data should try to share the information for good way to public for good purpose.
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