제목 : some people think that universities should use thier funds to support social activities for students. Others think that this money should be used to improve the food at university cafeterias. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is true that while some people insist that universities ought to spend spent a huge amount of money on improving the meal at cafeteria, others believe that funding social activities should be prioritised over other things. However, I steadfastly believe that finanically supporting social interations between students far outweighs than spending money on the food.
On the one hand, inventing money to improve students' meals is of help for their health. It is axiomatic that a balanced diet containing proper amount of carbohydrate, protein, and fat has a positive impact on physcial health. This is crucial for students because it would allow them to maintain healthy lives and avoid them to gain obesity, which accompanies a variety of other serious diseases, like high blood pressure. Furthermore, decent physical health can lead to a better performance at school as good ingredients Ingredients enable enables their brains to activate and circulate the blood well, enhancing the productivity and efficiency while studying.
Nevertheless, offering enough budget in an attempt to support social activities would broaden students' perspectives. It is an undeniable fact that there are plenty of students with diverse backgrounds, cultures, and values when students enter universities. By giving them monetary support, it would increase the chances of interation with one another, helping them to understand others' thoughts and cultures. Wide viewpoints could utimately bring about beneficial influence on their studies because it can be useful while writing a thesis or working with teammates by considering an array of points of view. Moreover, this can have a huge benefit even when they enter workforce where a variety of people are working together as a team.
In conclusion, when all specific reasons and relevant examples are considered and evaluated, I firmly think that putting an emphasis on social events with enough budget is far more advantageous than solely improving the food at the school's restaurant.
목표점수 7.0 걸린시간 40분
항상 감사드립니다!
총평: (7/7/6/7) 7.0
일단 센님은 task2는 대체로 (조금 아슬아슬하긴 하지만) 7.0에는 맞춰지긴 합니다. 그래도, 철자 오류가 조금 많기 때문에 이거는 반드시 줄여주셔야 해요. 아무리 못해도 3개 이내로 줄여주시고, 아예 없으면 더 좋습니다.
대신 아직 Task1은 7.0에 대체로 못미치는 상황이라, 이에 대한 보완은 필요합니다. 문법+어휘 공부는 꾸준히 해주시고, 이와 별개로 모범답안도 많이 봐서 분석해주세요! 이걸 성실히 하는 학생들이 제일 빨리 졸업합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)