Some people think that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, think that life of elderly in the modern world is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people are afraid of gaining age because of their physical appearance and mental youth, however, others believe that becoming older become elderly can be the first step of getting into adulthood (elderly는 일반적으로 adulthood 그 이후의 시기를 지칭하는 편이라, 여기의 경우 썩 적절하다고 보기에는 어렵습니다.) and it is much meaningful time as the society provide them better opportunities compared to the past. In this essay, I will state both perspectives as well as my own statement.
To begin with, it is true that getting old can be daunting for some people because they definitely could lose physical strength and social status as they age getting older. Their changes of body and face can be another factor of getting anxiety for them. Plus, if they did not save enough resources for their retirement life, they might have to work even after they retire. There are not many places that accept senior applicants for the job, as the competition among the young population in the society is getting severe. For those reasons, people in modern society, feel anxious about getting older.
On the other hand, getting old is not as much of a terrible process as people think and it is one of the natural patterns of life. Also, reaching a certain age cannot be the finish line of life. People always can restart and challenge what they want before they die. More importantly, the old generation in current society, has proved that age is not the matter but just the number. For example, according to the newspaper released in Vancouver, Canada a few months ago, one senior citizen who was is over 70 years old just passed the bar test to become a lawyer. He used to work as a teacher for 30 years when he was young and now he accomplished his ambition after his life and family is settled down.
In conclusion, although gaining age could bring people to come across another huddle in life by going through a lot of limitations and discriminations with huge changes in their body, the elderly in modern society could have better opportunities financially and socially to achieve their second dream. (내 statement, 즉 입장이 어느 쪽에 있는지 조금 더 명확히 보여주시면 좋습니다.)
더 아카데믹한 단어를 쓰고 싶은데 왜인지 글쓸때는 잘 생각이 안나네요 ㅠㅠ
-> 이거 별로 좋은 생각은 아닙니다. 물론 rainv님은 다른 학생들보다 실력이 상위권에 위치해있긴 하지만, rainv님 역시 다른 학생들과 마찬가지로 욕심내면 틀리게 되어있어요. 이는 문법과 내용에서도 그렇지만, 특히 어휘에서 두드러지는 현상입니다. 학생들이 괜히 복잡한 단어를 쓰려가다 문맥과 맞지 않는 단어만 억지로 끼워넣게 되고 감점되는 케이스가 수없이 많기 때문에 주의해주셔야 해요.
수고하셨습니다 :) (7/7/7/7) 7.0