Many people believe that countries should produce food for all population eats and import food as little as possible. To what extent do you agree of disagree?
In recent years, whether the countries ought to produce all kinds of food they eat and reduce imported food has become one of heated discussions of the public as well as the government. I believe that by doing so, there are much benefits in that it can not only boost the countries' economy but also the citizens can enjoy high quality foodsthat it has much benefits not only boosting the countries’ economy situation but also the citizens who inhabit can enjoy high quality foods. In this essay, the reasons of my belief will be elaborated.
First of all, increasing the part of producing food in their countries has many potential economic benefits such as creating jobs in the agricultural agriculture department. As to/for the development of agriculture, it needs many labors to develop farms and maintain the system. As a result, creating jobs may increase economic profits and activate cities’ economy in rural areas. (이 문장 때문에 지금 순환의 오류가 범해지고 있습니다. 이거 대신 따로 구체적인 예시를 넣던가 해주세요~)
Secondly, people can enjoy fresh food products in a lower price. Imported foods are usually more expensive than domestic foods because of the additional taxes. Moreover, it takes more time to bring in so the freshness is decreased. Domestic foods take less time and it reduces delivery fee. These days, since with the development of the technology, it has become available to grow that growing plants everywhere even it was not suit for there conditions in the past. As a result, the government should promote to produce the foods within the country to reduce the price and provide fresh food products.
To sum up, whether the government should reduce imported food and encourage to produce in their countries has become a center of debatable issues these days. (d얘는 서론에나 들어갈 문장이지, 결론에는 그냥 내 의견만 적고 마무리해주시면 됩니다.) I believe that reducing imported foods can make a profit of rural areas and activate regional economy and citizens also can enjoy fresh foods in cheap prices.
총평: (6/6/7/6) 6.5
본론 첫 번째 문단의 경우 사실상 내용이 없다고 봐야하기 때문에 채점관에 따라 6.0까지는 내려갈 수 있습니다. (5점대로는 절대 안 내려갑니다.) 고로 본론1은 1순위로 보충해주시고, 절대로 비슷한 말을 계속 돌려말하지 않도록 주의해주세요~!
수고하셨습니다 :)