In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with that statement?
Nowadays, there are a variety of contents that we can get information such as newspapers, books, and electronic devices. Some people insist that in the future, traditional methods like newspapers and books would be disappeared, since people these days prefer to read such contents online for several reasons. Personally, I agree with this opinion due to the following reasons.
To begin with, it is obvious that there are a bunch of (구어에 가까운 표현이라, 가급적이면 사용하지 않는 게 좋습니다.) advantages to reading certain stories using electronic devices. First of all, it is free. In the past, to get information or read some stories, people had to should subscribe to one of the newspaper companies or buy books at bookstores. However, with the development of electronic devices, people can access any searching engines and find and read various news and stories for free. Secondly, the weight of electronic devices is lighter than any books and more convenient than newspapers because of its size. Therefore, people are easy to carry on them wherever they want to go. Last but not least, people can get more various sides of views through only one click they need in a short time. Most search engines offers many themes with clearly arranged summaries on one page. It makes users find easily what they want to get. For these reasons, people would not find traditional methods in the future. (이 문단은 전반적으로 아주 좋은 상황은 아닌데, 이에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
In addition, the speed of information delivery is becoming an important factor to for people. Nowadays, a majority of people desire to get information as fast as possible because it could be a key of winning a race of competition. Therefore, people are getting used to utilizing electornic devices such as tablets or smartphones. For example, a few years ago, in most entrance of the subway stations, people can see a newspaper named 'Metro'. IT was one of the most famous media methods over the world. However, as smartphones have been used more common, the newspaper disappeared because all the contents were already uploaded online yesterday. As a result, people didn't (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) pick up it and the company is does not exist anymore. Therefore, as people's needs are filled with online pages faster than traditional methods, there would not be used in the future.
To sum up, I believe most traditional methods that people have used to getting information like newspapers or books will disappear due to the convenience of devices, the prices of online content, and the speed of that transmitted to users.
작성시간 40분
words 400
총평: (7/6/7/7) 7.0
잘 써주시긴 했는데, 본론1과 2의 차이에 대해서만 잠깐 짚고 넘어가겠습니다. 기본적으로 본론을 구성할 때, 부연설명 없는 근거를 여러 개 드는 것보다는 하나, 혹은 많아도 두 개만 들어도 이를 상세하게 설명하는 쪽이 좋습니다. 현재 본론1은 전자에 가깝고, 본론2가 후자, 즉 이상적인 본론으로 보시면 돼요. 한 본론에는 하나의 핵심 아이디어가 있을 수 있게 신경써주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)