▶ Your Answer :
The variety of crimes are everywhere all
over the world. Committing a crime is unacceptable, but we can see many kinds of
crime in many countries. I think that the main issue of crimes is related to the
instance of economy, but this matter can be resolved by supporting of governments.
To begin with, it is clear that many
countries are facing problems of unemployment. Nowadays, a majority of younger
generation may not have opportunities to get jobs as there are not many vacancies is not any vacancy
for hiring employees. Therefore, people can become poor and have lack of money
in this severe situation, and they cannot afford to maintain their households. As
an illustration of this, people who are not rich and in extreme financial difficulties
are more likely to commit a crime such as stealing products from supermarkets
and hacking bank systems to make money. Although, they consider committing making a crime
in that way is inappropriate to earn money, they may continuously re-commit
crimes as there is not any option to make money. <( main causes을 물어 보고 있기 때문에 2개 이상의 이유를 주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다)
However, the increased crime rates can be
minimized by supporting of from governments’ work. Firstly, governments should take
a process of reducing unemployment issues in advance. They should provide training
centres to where educate young people to have skills such as engineering and computer skills system. Therefore, as unemployed people learn new skills for free, and they
will have more chances to get a job work. In addition, governments can work to reduce the a gap between rich and poor people through a the different taxation system. For instance,
rich people should pay more taxes regarding their they make a huge profits than poor
ones. In brief, the divide will be closed together and crime rates will
probably be decrease.
In conclusion, raised crime rates could
have a connection with severe economy crisis in many nations. In my opinion,
people commit crimes because of unemployment. By supporting from of governments work
to reduce a level of crime rates, this issue can be resolved gradually.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 문법에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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