▶ Your Answer :
The environmental damage issue has been a growing issue around the world. Some claim that this issue is a responsibility for the politicians than individuals. Although I agree that the fact that politicians have given the permission to install many factories to damage the green land, individuals also have damaged the environment by impulsive purchasing habits. This essay will discuss the politicians' responsibility for the environment and while individual's responsibility, before reaching reasoned a conclusion. On the one hand, politicians have damaged the environment indirectly by permitting the installation of factories and granting for over packaging. According to the US building permit statistics, there is a 10% rise with the building of factories per year. This means that every 10% of permission of buildings, it will damage the environment by degrading the land. Not the only the degradation of the land will damage the environment, but the environment will be continuously damaged after the factories are built also will continuously damage the environment. After the installation of factories, there is an increase of gas emissions to pollute the air. <Need coherence> The over packaging is another word for wasting resources and resulting more wastes. Despite the direct environmental damages are made by companies (individuals), the final permission of environmental harming activities was given by the government. Therefore, the government is (politicians) are responsible for the damaging the environment. <(environment를 damage한게 누구의 탓인지 가 아니라 global environmental damage를 줄이고 막는 것이 누구의 임무인지 에 대한 질문입니다) Individuals, on the other hand, have damaged the environment directly by impulsive purchasing habits. People are very sensitive to the trend because we are living inside of the common social group influenced by where influences of the other people's opinion to follow the trend. The trends are constantly changing and rapidly so it is very common to see the latest products in every quarter. So the more people eager to possess the latest products following the trends, the old products, which are useless, result in more wastes. The more wastes in the world will damage the environments because there are limited ways to deal with wastes, which are the incarnation, buried and chemical usages. In the case of the Samsung phone, which had released the Samsung 6 in April, and the company announced that they will release a new Samsung 7 by July. We are living in the options of latest products and the massive product worlds. The more latest products are available at the market, the more waste would be resulting damaging the environment. In conclusion, I believe that the politicians and individuals are equally responsible for the damaging the environment by various ways. While the politicians have damaged the environment by giving the permission for the installation of factories, individuals have damaged the environment by following the latest trends.
Score: 4 Comment: 질문을 잘 대답해 주고 있지 않습니다. 전세계적인 environment damage를 줄이고 막는게 누구의 임무 인지 가 아니라 environmental damage 가 누구의 탓인지에 대해 서술을 해주셨습니다. 그렇기 때문에 내용이 조금 irrelevant하고 off topic하게 들립니다. 내용상 전체적으로 너무 wordy하게 들립니다. Summarize를 더 해주시며 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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