Climate change is a big
environmental problem that has become critical in last couple of decades. Some
people claim that humans should stop burning fossil fuels and use only
alternative energy resources, such as wind and solar power. Others say that
oil, gas and coal are essential for many industries, and not using them will
lead to economic collapse. What is your opinion?
It has been observed that the climate
change is becoming one of the biggest environmental issues in around the world from the
last couple of decades. Some people argue that people have to use alternative
energy has to be used (이렇게 쓰시면 people이 반복되는 것을 피할 수 있죠.) instead of burning fossil fuels, while the others oppose the viewpoint
because it could create economic collapse. I strongly agree with the former one and
will explain several reasons to support my view.
To begin with, the main reason is that it (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상은 대명사로 써서는 안 됩니다.) is possible to cause global warming. In other words, diverse kinds of human
activities generate greenhouse gas which is the main culprit of global warming.
Among them, the most influential influence factor is definitely burning fossil fuels and
emitting exhaust fumes in factories and vehicles. They have a significant significantly effect
on the average of temperature on the Earth. For instance, glaciers are melting
into water and the equatorial region gets hotter as our planet is getting
warmer and warmer. As the result, human could face a lot of serious problems.
First of all, the overall food self-sufficiency rate has been dropping
consistently. According to researches, almost one-half of the population in the
world, especially Asian countries relies on water because of farming and
cultivation, but if the drought or flooding last due to the drastic climate
change, it will no longer be easy to get water for agriculture and even for
drinking. Furthermore, it will greatly rise the number of climate refugees who
have lost their homes such as the residents in Tuvalu islands where is being
submerged. Another point to consider is the destruction of ecosystem. Because
of these kinds of climate change, numerous wildlife habitat such as forest and
ocean would be destroyed and become extinct. In this case, the food chain also will
be affected which the species belongs.
Thus, I personally think that people should
reduce the use of fossil fuels which lead to the increase of the average
temperature, sea level, water shortage and ecological threat and start to use natural
resources.
목표점수:7.0
글자수:330자
소요시간:측정안함
외부도움:단어검색(식량자급률)
시험예정일:12월 19일
쓰다보니까 바디를 2개로 나누기에는 애매한것 같아서 하나로 했는데 괜찮나요?ㅠㅠ
이거 관련해서 많은 학생들에게 가르쳐주고, 학생들이 애용하는 꿀팁을 하나 알려드리겠습니다.
~해도(써도/넣어도) 될까? -> 하시면(쓰시면/넣으시면) 안 됩니다.
~해야(써야/넣어야) 할까? -> 하셔야(쓰셔야/넣으셔야) 합니다.
이것만 잘 따져보셔도 90% 이상 맞습니다.
위의 질문의 경우 바디를 하나만 써야 될까? 보다는 하나만 써도 될까? 가 자연스럽겠죠. 고로 저 위에 대입해보면 '안 된다' 라는 결론을 내릴 수 있습니다. 내가 진짜 내용에 자신 있어서, 바디 2개 쓰는 학생들과 비교해서 전혀 꿀리지 않을 거다! 라고 생각하시면 1개 쓰셔도 됩니다. 단, 저는 아직까지 그런 학생을 본 적이 없어요.
총평: (7/6/7/6) 6.5
대신 이번 글은 바디만 잘 나누시고 문법 오류만 줄이시면 충분히 7.0은 가능합니다. 글 자체는 그럭저럭 괜찮게 적어주셨어요.
수고하셨습니다 :)