Some people believe that secondary schools should teach students about money management.
Do you agree or disagree?
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Money management is knowing where one's money is spent and planning what to use it for in the future. Many people think middle and high school is an important time for students to lay the foundation for money management skills, and I completely agree with this opinion.
Until recently, most parents did not think it was necessary to teach their children how to manage their personal finances. However, nowadays many parents demand that their children be taught money management at school. After making mistakes in their youth, parents now know that financial education is important for their children. This is because financial education supports not only the lives of individuals but also the economic situation of the country. Customers who are able to make informed decisions about financial instruments and services can not only contribute to their own profits but also promote a wide range of economic stability.
Both teachers and parents know that it is important to make learning relevant to teenagers. However, money management is already very relevant for most teenagers these days. For example, teenagers get money from their allowance or part-time jobs, and pay routine bills such as shopping or mobile phone bills. Therefore, exposing them to strategies that make them financially better financially is an essential survival skill. Teenagers deserve to be introduced to complex financial concepts by teachers who are responsible for preparing them to make informed and informed decisions. Also, if children students (고등학생들을 children 이라고 하기에는 약~~~간의 무리가 있을 수 있습니다.) do not learn effective ways to manage money at home and at school, someone will, (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) and they can all be squandered rather than saving money.
In conclusion, the periods of middle and high schools are a good time to teach students about money management. Therefore, parents and teachers should cooperate in teaching their children good skills of spending, saving and investing money.
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시간이 50분을 넘었어요.. 문법이나 알파벳도 상당부분 틀려서 제가 체크해서 수정해서 첨삭 요청드려요...
감사합니다!!
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
일단 저는 수정본을 받은 상태이며, 적어도 수정본에는 그렇게 크게 문제가 없었기 때문에 7점을 드렸습니다. 그러나 말씀해주신대로 원문은 상당부분 틀렸다고 하시니, 여기 7점에서 적절히 까서 보시면 되겠고요.
일단 children이 문맥상 그렇게 적절하지 않은 점을 제외하면 괜찮았는데, 대신 시간은 꼭 맞출 수 있도록 해주세요! 50분이면 너무 오버된 상태입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)