Nowadays, for work reasons, many families move to other countries. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this. Others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
-> These days, due to the parent’s work, many families leave their own countries. Regarding this issue, some people think that moving to abroad has a positive affect on children a positive things. Others, in contrast, believe that it will be tough for cause for their children the tough life to live in a new environment. In my view, living abroad in childhood suggests children a good opportunity to experience many cultures in person.
No one can deny that if the children move to other countries at a young age, they would start to learn foreign language, and at the same time, and become a bilingual person who can speak bilingual. Of course, other children who do does not move to abroad can also speak two languages, However, they would not be do not as fluent as children living in other countries.
In On the other hand, the most school age children build a good social relationship at the school or playground. It is clear that early aged moving can influence the children’s forming of social factors, as well as emigrating before the children is and when children emigrate before they become mature, they may not able to realize their identities. At the end, they feel sense of isolation at the school, and become confused as to who they are.
To sum up, many families move to other nations because of work and this impact on children’s growth this has both a negative and positive impact on children's growth. Although emigrated children have a problem with adapting a new culture and language, they are likely to not only overcome it, but also enlarge their views by experiencing the diverse cultures with parent’s constant effort to solve problems that their children go through. (254words)
총평: (6/6/6/5) 6.0
내용의 경우 그렇게까지 크게 문제가 되지는 않았습니다. 그러나 이에 비해 표현상으로는 아슬아슬한 감이 있고요. 우선 문법 오류가 많은 편이며, 어휘 쪽도 children 등 일부 핵심 표현이 너무 자주 반복되고 있기 때문에 이에 대한 대체가 필요해요.
수고하셨습니다 :)