It is often argued that living in a country
where people have to speak a foreign language can causes negative social
problems. I will clearly show why I strongly disagree with the statement since
I believe that there are much more benefits people who living in a foreign
country. (서론에서 분명 이와 같은 입장을 취해주셨죠. 그러면 본론에도 이걸로만 쭉 채워주시면 됩니다. 이전에도 링크를 한번 넣어드렸지만, 아직 숙지가 안 된 것 같으니 완전히 익히실 때까지 계속 넣어드릴게요.)
To begin with, there are a couple of main drawbacks
of living in other country. First and foremost, speaking foreign language can
provide less direct interaction. For example, some people can think interaction
between foreign people may difficult. This is because they can not speak
foreign language like native speakers. Therefore, people can avoid situation
that people have to talk with friends who speak native. Moreover, foreign
people have to spend huge amount of time to learn their culture, language, and
lifestyle. To illustrate, most people can stress out because they do not have a
time to relax and clear the mind. In fact, stress is one of the causes of
illnesses, because it weakens the immune system. (이 문단의 경우 본론2와 같은 맥락의 주장으로 채워주시면 됩니다.)
On the other hand, despite the negative factors mentioned above, there are more convincing reasons why living in another nation can bring positive effects. First of
all, learning a new language can broaden people's perspectives. In other words,
they can be exposed to different cultures, thoughts, and lifestyles that they
have never known before. This is because, they can take a quantum leap in
intellectual growth and accept diversity which is important in an era of
globalization. In addition, people can expand their social network. To be
specific, people who live in a foreign country can improve their social skills.
This is because they can meet a number of people in different countries.
In conclusion, even though living in another country
may bring about some negative effects, it is clear that most impacts are
beneficial. Hence, people can improve their knowledge and social skills where
they live in another nation (other nations도 됩니다.).
308 word. 6점목표입니다 감사합니다.
총평: (5/6/6/6) 6.0
July님은 웬만하면 6.0까지는 받으시긴 할 건데, 지금 글과 같이 후라이드 vs 양념 관련 문제가 생길 경우에는 조금 위험해질 겁니다. (물론 지금 글 자체는 아슬아슬하게 6.0에 맞춰지겠지만, task1까지 고려하면 얘기가 달라지죠.)
대비되는 두 입장이 있다고 그걸 기계적으로 두 개 다 쓰는 것은 절대 아닙니다. 이를 명시해주시고, 링크를 다시 넣어드릴테니까 꼭 정독해서 숙지해주세요~
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_method&p=3&type=url&uid=471212
수고하셨습니다 :)