Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? |
Some people think those who live in other countries where they which have to speak foreign languages do not face have a lot of big problems. I can understand this opinion in a way however, it could be only if they do not participate in wide social activities. (일단 이 문장은 이렇게 고쳐드리긴 했는데, 문맥을 고려했을 때 반대가 아닌가 싶네요. 의도하신바가 아니었을 경우 댓글 한번 주세요!)
When people live their lives, they could encounter unexpected events so that they have to deal with them themselves. At that time, people could not resolve the problems well in another country due to the as problem of languages. For instance, when people are involved in some accidents and they have to make an interview or write reports about the accidents, they should would struggle to do. Languages include own cultures so, even though people can make some friends, they would not integrate into their real lives or cultures.
If people should work, they should would experience some of difficulty. When they work in other countries, unnatural speaking could not make totally successful work flows so that it becomes reasons of subtle problems. Obviously, subtle problems should not be ignored at work if it is repeated. It occurs while communicating with co-workers or business partners even consumers. I cannot say it is not serious problems.
In conclusion, some problems from communication sometimes seem trivial, however minor communication problems can cause tremendous trouble later. (foreign language 쪽과 관련지어 작성해주세요. 제일 중요한 게 빠져있는 상황입니다.)
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
크~~~게 문제가 있는 건 아니었지만, 본론 첫 번째 문단 두 번쨰 문장에 대해서 잠시 말씀드리겠습니다.
기본적으로 동의/비동의를 할 때에는 그냥 말 그대로 동의/반대만 해주시는 걸 추천드리고, 괜히 거기에 지금과 같은 추가 전제를 넣는 건 별로 권장드리지 않아요. 그냥 동의만 하고 그 이유만 적으면 되는 것을,괜히 지금처럼 '~~하는 경우에만' 이라는 전제를 넣게 되면 글을 읽는 채점관들에게 혼돈을 줄 수 있습니다. 저도 지금 해당 문장을 읽으면서 의아하기도 했고요. 채점관들의 경우도 글을 읽으면서 wide social activity가 정확히 뭔지, 그리고 이게 본론의 어디에 해당하는지를 찾다가 더 헷갈려할 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)