▶ Your Answer :
The table chart provides information concerning total numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum before and after it was refurbished. The two pie charts illustrate the result of surveys within tourists of how satisfied they were with their trips, during the same period with the table charts’.
To begin with, before the renovation of Ashdown Museum, there were had 74,000 visitors people to visit, and only 45 percent of visitors were satisfied with their tour. About a half of visitors were not satisfied with their visit, before the year it was refurbished. Some people had no response with the its survey, and it accounted at 5 percent before the year rebuilt.
However, there was were a huge increase <(huge increase of what?) in the year after it was refurbished,. Visitors who were satisfied with their tour in Ashtown Museum, rose less than a double percent compared with the year before. It figured 75 percent among the total number of tourists (92,000). Relatively, dissatisfied visitors were accounted the same percent as the year before. <(false. 그전에는 50%가 dissatisfied 이였다면 renovation 이후에는 20% 만 dissatisfied 했습니다.)
To conclude, many visitors were more likely to be satisfied with their visit in Ashdown Museum in the year after it was refurbished than the year before.
Score: 6.5 Comment: Sentence verb agreement에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋은 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |