Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Recently, most countries think that the importance of taking care of children is highest. For this, people believe all parents should receive the education to be moral parents. I totally agree with the view with the following the reasons.
One reason that supports my view is that the number of parents who are not adults have increased, and this brings about a lack of time to be good parents, as well as the unstable and economical circumstance. Those who are not ready to be parents may let their children act freely without limitations about wrong activities such as smoking and stealing. These children have a high possibility to be criminals since criminals usually commit crimes with proves of memories when they are young. Children (동의어 진~~~짜 많습니다. 잘 활용해주세요!) do not know what is right or wrong.
Another reason is that children become crucial resources in their own nations. This is because after growing up, they will be economical population. To be protect these their important resources, education through their mothers and fathers should be essential. Children spend most of their time in staying at home with family and learn their parent's pattern. To be precise, in Korea, the video of talking a child who living in rich household with their drivers showed a surprise the video of a child who lived in a rich household talking to her drivers showed a surprise. She did not respect and neglect their drivers by using bad words. She was aged at only about 7. This reflects how fast children learn her parent's language and activities.
In conclusion, I would say that the importance of preparation to be good parents is necessary. (논제의 '필수적으로 코스를 들어야 한다' 가 정확히 반영되어야 합니다.) The bad memories when they are young continue to them and they easily learn parent's pattern.
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
이번 글에서 children의 잦은 반복과 함께 문제되는 사항은 바로 문장들이 매끄럽게 이어지지 않고 뚝뚝 끊긴다는 점입니다. 문장을 이을 때 연결어 없이도 깔끔하게 잇는 게 가장 좋긴 한데, 이는 사실 8~9점대 실력을 갖춘 학생이 아니고서야 이렇게 하기는 거의 불가능할 거에요. 고로 연결어 사용을 어느정도는 해주셔도 괜찮고, 오히려 그렇게 하는 걸 권장드립니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)