Nowadays many people spend a lot of money to buy stuffs such as groceries, air tickets, electronic products, and even even the houses. Even though this trend is already set and prevalent all over the world, I strongly believe that we should cut down on one's spending on the Internet.
(제가 해드린 것처럼, 문단을 나눌 때에는 엔터키를 두 번 쳐주셔야 합니다. 이것도 점수에 들어가므로 주의해주세요!)
Without a doubt, Shopping shopping online gives people some advantages. First of all, Shopping shopping online can give people easy accessibility to consume products. It makes people convenient and save time effectively. In addition, we can find cheaper goods on the Internet (인터넷은 고유명사이므로 대문자 시작입니다. 극히 예외적으로 소문자 시작하는 경우가 있긴 하지만, 거기까지 들어갈 필요는 없고요.) internet by comparing various commodities many commodity at the variety websites. For example as my experience, I sometimes use shopping shop online, because they not only it recommends more cheaper and better performing products performance of stuffs, but also give me a coupon to buy their products. I got apparel with the resonable price.
However, there are several problems when it comes to shopping online. One problem is that they cause the it causes overconsumption by using their brilliant marketing strategy. Whenever I unconsciously spend a lot of money on the Internet, I use a debit card. This is because it Because It allows me to realize the cash balance. Furthermore, shopping online is hard to exchange products and can not get it immediately. As long as purchase merchandise, they delivery it within a week. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) however, if I If I want to get a refund or exchange it from I bought, they require quite a strick condition to the refund. So, all this period will take time at least two to three weeks.
There is no doubt that shopping online can be beneficial for us. Nevertheless, we should reduce consumption habits on the internet to control overspending.
총평: 논제를 올려주지 않으셔서 따로 점수를 봐드리거나 내용상 수정을 해드리지 못했는데, 다음에는 꼭 논제도 같이 올려주세요! 실제로 지금 마지막 문장은 99% 내용 관련 문제가 있는데 저도 논제가 없어서 따로 수정해드리지는 못했습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)