In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
Why might this be the case?
Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Home is the most important thing for humans. Therefore, all people think of it very seriously. Many people in countries such as the US, and the majority of countries in Europe prefer renting homes while people in a country like South Korea prefer owning homes. I think this difference is related with cultures and governments' policies. (이 글은 buy와 rent를 동등선상에서 놓고 비교하는 게 목적이 아닙니다. rent에만 집중될 수 있게 글을 적어주세요! 어떻게 바꿔야 할지 모르시겠다면 댓글 주시면 됩니다.)
Korean people usually think that they have to save their money in 20s and 30s to buy their own homes at least before 40. They tend to feel uncomfortable living in houses which are not theirs. The reason for this is because Because they always have been taught that they must have their own houses as soon as possible by their parents. Owning a home is really important for them, so their parents usually support them to have their own home when they get married.
In terms of governments' policies, welfare in Europe countries is much better than the one in Korea. European people can get paid pretty big money monthly from their governments so they can easily go abroad without financial problems and it leads to not buying a house because they can go wherever they want so they don't need to buy houses and settle if they don't want to. Whereas, Korean people cannot easily go abroad and live there with the money from the government. That's why Korean people buy houses. (이거 대신 밑의 문단, 즉 집을 구매하는 것이 왜 긍정적인지에 대해 추가적으로 적어주시면 됩니다.)
However, in my opinion, buying your (2인칭은 기본적으로 구어에 해당하기 때문에 따로 쓰지 않는다고 보시면 됩니다. 밑에도 다 바꿔주세요~) own home is positive because it's (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) more comfortable than renting one. It is financially better as well. When you're retired or have no job, if you still rent a home, you'll have to pay for the home every month though you may be difficult to handle the rent fee.
To sum up, there are cultural differences and different welfare, so people prefer owning a home to renting one in some countries. However, I think it is positive because it could be more comfortable than living in a rental home and also people I can get a long term financial advantage from it.
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
이번 글은 평소 써주시는 것에 비해 조금 아쉬웠네요.
학생들이 지금처럼 논제에 질문이 두 개 나올 때 구조를 잡는 것을 조금 어려워하는데, 사실 그럴 필요 전혀 없습니다. 복잡하게 생각하지 말고 그냥 각 본론에 질문 하나를 배분해주시면 돼요. 고로 지금 본론1에는 ~의 원인을, 본론2에는 ~가 긍정적인지 부정적인지의 여부를 다뤄주시면 됩니다. 유럽이나 기타 국가에서 '사람들이 렌트를 선호하는 이유' 이런 거는 다 필요 없으니까, 그냥 지워버리고 밑에서 두 번째 문단을 보완하는데에 집중해주세요! 학생들이 스스로 논제를 확대해석해서 글을 폭넓게 쓰는 건 좋지 못합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)