▶ Your Answer :
It is true that people see many celebrities
such as a singer, a movie star and a sport star from the media. Some people say
that being a celebrity can lead more positive aspects, but however, I believe that
it causes more problems.
To begin with, it is obvious that becoming
a famous person brings some benefits. First of all, a celebrity can be a good
role model for others. To illustrate this, if a famous star shows appropriate
attitudes in the society, individuals can think they we can do the same as the star.
In addition, especially for children, the celebrity could be a good role model.
For example, if children want to become famous sports stars in the future they
can focus on playing sports with having a clear target by seeing well-known
athletes who they admired. Clearly, being a celebrity encourages people to do the
right thing and motivates young children as they are good role models for these
people. being a star라고 했으니 '스타가 되면 좋은 점'을 논하는 게 맞을 것 같아요. 현재 문단은 star의 긍정적인 역할에 더 가까워서 논점이 어긋나는 부분들이 있습니다.
On the other hand, being a celebrity causes more problems than benefits in the society. As all individuals know many
different well-known stars from media, famous stars cannot have a private life. It
is clear that they are taken every moment photographs which show their personal
daily life by a paparazzi. And then the paparazzi may upload the pictures on
SNS, the pictures can spread out all over the world as many people share famous
stars’ private pictures with using Facebook or Instagram. As a result, famous
people may cannot go out easily same as normal people because they are afraid
of showing bad images by paparazzi even though they do not intend to be seen
inappropriate.
In conclusion, being a celebrity can be a
good role model for society as they show proper attitudes. However, they do not
have personal life as their private pictures everywhere, so I believe becoming
a celebrity brings more disadvantages.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5 modest user
[스타가 되면 좋은 점이 많을까 / 문제가 되는 게 많을까]로 문제를 해석하는 게 맞을 것 같아요. 간단하게 스타가 되는 것의 이점을 설명해줄 수도 있지만 사회에 긍정적인 영향을 끼친다는 점은 스타가 됨으로써 내가 얻는 이익이라 보기는 어렵기 때문에 설득력이 약할 수 있습니다. 또한 논제가 묻는 것은 '장점이 더 많을까/단점이 더 많을까'이므로 장점과 단점을 동일한 분량으로 피력하기보다는 '그럼에도 단점이 더 크다'라는 나의 입장을 명확히 드러낼 수 있는 구성이 필요합니다. 논점에 맞게 내용을 서술하는 부분에 초점을 두고 글을 더 보강해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^
|