▶ Your Answer :
Some people claims that the pharmaceutical research should be conducted by the private companies due to the finance reasons. However, I believe that this research should be controlled by government for the human's life reasons. There are three definite reasons for pharmaceutical research to be conducted by private companies; finance, time and government interventions. First of all, the amount of money spent doing an experiment within a company is relatively cheaper than that of the government. The reason for this is, the government would do a variety of experiment in order to ensure of the result. Due to this, the governmental experiment will take longer time than private company. It is not only because the government has many works to do, but also they have been conducting other tests in order to ensure of the results. For example, when the company is requesting the government about the human effects on the chemical substances, the government may conduct all necessary tests ensuring that substance is not toxic. Lastly, it is the government interventions. The companies may see the research project as the cure for HIV, for example, whereas the government may see the research project as the prejudice of human ethics. If the government believes the project is inhumane, they could block all the further research rights. <(이 문단의 글쓴이의 주장을 supporting을 하지 않고 오히려 반대 의견을 supporting을 하기 때문에 글쓴이의 주장을 contradict하고 헷갈리게 만듭니다) Despite all the benefits for private companies, pharmaceutical research must be conducted and must be controlled by the government, because this research affects the people's life. Because private companies have to make a profit, they may involved in the corruption; the forgery and bribery. For instance, Oxy Reckitt Benckiser has many products that are commercially available as a cleansing product. Since cleansing products contains many toxic chemical substances, it must be controlled by the government. If the Oxy Company had taken the research under their company, the report will be faulty information because they would only disclose the good part of their report to the government by hiding the bad results. Oxy Korea did not disclose all the information. Because of this, many people have has died.<(need to specify more) Furthermore, the government has latest technologies so that the companies can try all different approaches.<(approached of/for what?) The government has owns a couple of super computers, which private companies do not have. With the use of supercomputers, the companies can see the various results for the one particular chemical substance. In conclusion, although private company could save money, time and non-government intervention by conducting pharmaceutical research within the company, the effects of researches are is too fatal to humans. Therefore, this must be controlled by the government.
Score: 6 Comment: 글쓴이의 주장은 주제를 agree를 하고 있기 때문에 왜 agree하는지에 대해서만 서술을 해주시면 됩니다. 반대 의견을 서술 해주시면 오히려 글쓴이의 주장이 헷갈리게 들릴 수 있습니다. 그 외에는 내용은 아주 좋다고 생각합니다. Specificity와 silly mistakes에만 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
|