언제나 너무 감사드립니다 ^^
Question
Art should ne a compulsory class for high school students.
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
Answer
In this modern
society, as the value of art class for high school is considered as essential accredited
by education experts, many people believe art class should be mandatory in
school. I support this assertion because art class helps the students grow their
abilities that other subjects do not particularly aim at.
First of
all, art classes make it able for students to express and release their emotion.
Many students say art is a great way of expressing (바로 앞에 쓰였으니까 가급적이면 대체해주세요! Vanessa님 실력이면 알아서 잘 바꾸실 거라 따로 건드리지는 않겠습니다.) their thoughts and identity.
On the other hand, students hardly have opportunities to do it in other subject
classes. Due to this reason, attending art classes is critical for high school
students.
On the top
of that, art classes give the students a great opportunity to find out their hidden
talents. Hardly do the students who are interested in art (여기와, 밑의 경우도 다 과목이 아닌 학문으로써의 미술을 지칭하는 게 맞다고 봐야하며, 이 경우 소문자 시작입니다.) Art receive chances to
explore their aesthetics and talent in art Art, unless they take art classes but
only major subjects such as Math or Science. Because of this reason, art class should
be mandatory in high school to help the students foresee their further career
path in art Art thoroughly. Thus, even though it is not obviously seen straightforward
that not many students can be benefited from art class simply because they are
not good at it in a short period, it must focus more on the possibility and
potential of the students who are artistically talented.
To sum up, art
classes for high school students will have these benefits : helping Helping students in
terms of emotion release and expression, enabling them to figure out their artistic
talents that yet to be explored. Due to the reasons above, it is undeniable
that art classes should be included as a major subject in the official curriculum
for high school students.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
대체로 잘 적어주셨는데, 중간에 대소문자 정도에만 조금 주의해주세요! 참고로 헷갈리시면 그냥 모조리 소문자 시작하시면 됩니다. 과학/수학도 포함해서요. 그러면 적어도 틀릴 일은 없어요.
또한, 두 본론의 비율도 조금 더 조절해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)