▶ Your Answer :
More and more people want to learn a foreign language for various reasons. Some people think that learning a second language is for travelling or working in a foreign country, but others insist that there are variety of reasons to learn a foreign language. I contend that travelling and working in other countries is not the only reason to study a second language.
First of all, of course, people learn a foreign language in order to travel or to work in a foreign country. This is because there are many a lot of opportunities in other countries than their home country. Recently, many students and young pupils want to go abroad for travelling and working. They can get a new experience from a new environment, and it makes them more mature. English or other languages are needed if they want to enjoy or getting their a job in an unfamiliar country. <Need better coherence> There is an uncontroversial opinion that people learn a foreign language for travel or work in a foreign language.
However, those are not enough to explain why people should learn a foreign language. This is because some people learn a foreign language not only to get a job in other countries, but also to apply a job in their home country. According to a recent research from South Korea, most university students said the official English examination score is an essential matter to apply to any company in South Korea. Most companies in South Korea has required a limit line in an application paper that if some do not satisfy the limit line, they cannot get a chance to apply to the company. It is evidently shown that a foreign language is required to apply to by a company for their working even in their hometown. <(이유를 2개 이상 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다)
To conclude, learning a foreign language is not only for their travelling or working in a foreign country, but also for applying for a job an application in their home country. <(Need better coherence)> I think those reasons are sometimes very unfair to some people who cannot learn a foreign language.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 글정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 전체적으로 coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |