Q. An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs.
What are the causes of overweight among children?
What measures can be taken to solve the problem?
One of the biggest problems facing the world is that an increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. in In fact, it is a pressing matter which requires immediate attention. In this essay, I will represent the reason for the above issue and suggest some reasonable methods.
The main cause of increasing number of youth obesity is that a number of pupils have eaten too much junk food many times. Those kinds of food made up harmful nutrients such as preservative or some artificial additives. This connot disappear in people’s body even if they lose their weight. (슬프네요ㅠㅠ) Thus students should be controlled by their parents or teachers. What is more, these days, as the academic performance is prioritized priority, children have spent much time in their school and the active class like physical education has decreased compared to the old generation. This situation will be decline their activity and lead them to become obese raise to be obesity.
To deal with the mentioned issue, the effort of the government and school is needed. The government should amend the regulation to junk or fast food companies to reduce harmful components. This will not have a negative impact on student's body anymore. Furthermore, schools need to increase the class of physical education, which makes pupils more healthy.
To sum up, the children obesity has become more and more serious problem nowadays because of the food that consists of many kinds of unhealthy nutrients and lack of exercise. Nevertheless, it can be resolved by implementing strict regulation about additive and growing the active classes in the school.
ㅠㅠㅠㅠ b1을 좀 줄일걸 그랬어요,,, 48분 걸렸어요
그리고 굳이 템플릿 외운거 써보겠다고 인트로 한줄 더 써서 시간만 늦어졌네요...
다음엔 시간남으면 저런거 붙여 넣어야겠어요. 글자 간격 넉넉하게 해두고,,
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
글자 간격 넉넉하게 해둔다는 말씀이 조금 불안한데, 이번에 페이퍼 치르실 거면 문단 사이에는 한 줄이 있도록 해주세요! 혹시나 막 문단 구분이 일관적으로 보이지 않을까봐 걱정됩니다.
글 자체는 자잘한 사항들만 제외하면 괜찮았습니다. +시간
수고하셨습니다 :)