Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, climate change is becoming a more and more serious problem. However, some people say that it is a better way to adapt to this environment than to prevent calamity change. I do disagree with this opinion and will represent some reasons.
One the flip side, people assert that the change of climate is not a significant problem. This is because there are no important issues that they experienced seriously until now, so that they could not know significant problems such a famine or disease. However, climate change leads to not only an increase in increasing the sea level but also makes it hard to breathe by destroying forests. If these phenomena are continued, the next generation cannot live on our Earth.
We need to improve, or lat least mitigate, climate change for not only our lives but also for the next generation. Actually, it is too easy to cause a problem but it is really difficult to restore, which would be able to need require a lot of time and efforts. If people cut down a tree, it can be done within an hour it is a possible within 1 hour. While in order to gaining However, in order to gain oxygen from a tree, which is needed it requires at least 10 years. It would be able to protect and prevent climate change by imposing taxes and limiting to companies caused carbon dioxide emissions. Furthermore, each government all over the world should force to their citizens to take a public transports. (현재 문단의 후반부에는 이전과 똑같은 문제가 생겼습니다. 어떻게 하면 해결할 수 있는지가 아닌, 왜 prevent해야하는지에 중점을 두어주세요~)
As a consequence, it is a significant issue to the next generation and our children as well as the on Earth. It is too hard to restore our environment, so that we should prevent climate change than accept these environment.
다시 한번 작성해봤어요 ㅠㅠㅠ 오프타픽 종종 생기네요ㅠㅠㅠ
감사합니다!!!!!!
총평: 이전에 비해 낫긴 한데, 본론 두 번째 문단의 후반부는, 여전히 이전과 같은 문제가 있으므로 주의해주셔야 합니다. 항상 글을 쓸 때 출제자가 나한테 요구하는 것이 무엇인지, 그리고 내가 이에 맞춰 어떠한 내용을 담아야 할지에 대해 개요를 꼭 짜고 시작해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)
+문법은 꾸준히 공부하고 계시리라 믿습니다. 제가 종종 이와 같이 체크하는 선에서 귀에 피나도록 말씀드릴 거에요!