Q.
As the present time, the population of some
countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the
number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
A.
It is true that some countries have more
young generation than old generation. Even though it has a lot of pros and cons
that the young population is larger than the elderly population, I strongly believe
the advantages of having more young population outweigh the disadvantages. This
essay will discuss about both pros and cons and my opinion as well.
Especially, from a realistic point of view,
having more young adults can mean that not only more people can work but also it
can lead to the circulation of the economy. If the country doesn’t (줄임말은 풀어써주세요!) have enough
manpower, it will face a recession. Not only this, having more elderly
population implies the problem of the low birth rate date as well. It, which can also connect
to economic growth. For example, in Korea, there are many problems that is caused
by an aging society. The reason is because Because, there a lot of people who receive government
subsidies, while relatively a few young generations have to work to pay high taxes. For these
reasons, I think advantages of having more young adults outweigh the
disadvantages.
However, of course, it (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.) has some
disadvantages. If there are too many workers in the country, the competition
will be fierce and It can be lead to the problem of the employment. As the situation
is getting worse, the governments have to handle this properly.
To conclude, even though I do think having
a number of young adults can lead to a positive economic effect, it would be cautious
to claim that it is always helpful.
글자수: 252
시간: 1시간,,,,
(이전에 말씀드렸듯이 시간은 지금 당장 너무 걱정하실 필요 없습니다. 만약에 11월 초에도 1시간 걸리면 그건 문제가 있는 거지만, 아직은 괜찮아요. 분량 확보에 더 신경써주셔야 합니다.
시험: 11월말
쓰다 보니 비율이 똥망이네요...감점이 많겠죠?
Q. 혹시 라이팅 시험에 브레인 스토밍할 노트 할 곳이 있을까요? 너무 많이 지웠다 하는 것 같아서,,,
비율 관련해서는 문제가 맞습니다. 본론2 위주로 늘려주시면 돼요.
브레인스토밍 할 곳은 많으니까 걱정 마세요 :)
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
시간은 당장 중요하지 않고, 위에서 말씀드렸드이 분량과 비율의 확보가 중요한 상황입니다. 본론2는 최소 2줄 이상 더 추가해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)