▶ Your Answer :
It
is evident that as more and more people are moving into urban areas, driving
their private vehicles to and from work, it puts a heavy strain on the local
infrastructure, causing traffic jams, increasing the probability of car
accidents and resulting in many individuals stressing out, which in turn, can
lead to everything, from health issues to road rage. To address those, there
needs to be a way to stimulate citizens to employ public transport. In this
essay, my stance regarding this controversial phenomenon will be posed with
some applicable supports.
To
begin with, it is needless to say that by developing public transport, people
can save a great deal of money, since when it comes to prices, train or bus
fares are much cheaper, compared to petrol ones, as well as there is no need to
pay for parking, which is sometimes unaffordable, especially in inner city
areas. <( cost문제는 congestion이나 pollution와는 조금 관련이 없는 내용입니다) Moreover, car exhaust fumes are one of the primary reasons for air
pollution, deteriorating the quality of air for residents to breathe, thus
harming their health. Lastly, an increasing number of people are being killed
in car accidents every day, which has become one of the most alarming concerns
worldwide.
Be
that as it may, while this may be true to much extent, it does not mean that
this switch to public transportations is flawless. Firstly, all modes of
transport are related to the presence of schedules and working hours, at times
making commuters inconvenient. Additionally, some suburbs lack rail-way stations
or buses run infrequently. On the contrary, a personal car is swift,
comfortable and convenient, offering a driver freedom and independence. <(이 문단은 글쓴이가 statement를 partly agree한다고 전달을 해주기 때문에 thesis statement에도 그렇다고 전달을 해주시면 글쓴이의 주장이 더 clear 할 것 같습니다)
To
recapitulate, my belief is that in a perfect society, everyone would bike, walk
or use public transport to save the environment and conserve fossil fuels.
However, governments could also assist in promoting alternative transportation
avenues by offering monetary incentives, national advertising campaigns and
higher taxes on petrol for vehicles.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 글쓴이의 주장이 introduction에서 조금 더 clear하면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |