Q. Some people believe that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect. Others think consuming domestic products is better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
(Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge experience)
A. It is a common belief that buying imported agricultural products is more advantageous than eating consuming domestic products. However, there is a more persuasive argument that choosing a domestic agricultural product is more beneficial for both consumers and farmers.
(제가 나눠드린 것처럼, 문단을 구분할 때에는 엔터키를 두 번 쳐주시면 됩니다. 이것도 다 점수에 들어가는 사항이니까 주의해주세요~)
On the one hand, it could cost less money for consumers to import products from other countries. That's (줄임말은 풀어써주시는 게 좋습니다. 즉, 여기의 경우 that is 로 적어주시면 돼요.) because it can make up for some kinds of groceries that are in short in their own country. In fact, it could lower the price and provide more options for consumers to choose from. (이 문단의 경우 내용상 한두줄의 보강이 필요합니다.)
Nevertheless, it is more important to buy agricultural food from domestic farmers rather than from overseas since domestic products are a lot more fresh and healthier. To be specific, if one person orders the products grown in the country, it takes less procedure from the local farmers to the buyer which keeps the food fresh compared to those imported products. One research revealed that imported groceries are kept in the fridge for a longer time even more time than domestic farm products, which and it reduces their nutritious benefit.
To sum up, while it is apparent that importing agricultural goods from overseas gives more options for consumers to choose, it is undeniable that domestic products are more beneficial for consumer's fresh fridge and their health in the long term.
(216 words)
Grammar 7
Vocabulary 6
Cohesion and Coherence 6/9.0
Task Response 6/9.0
감사합니다!! 이 정도면 아이엘츠 라이팅 몇 점 정도 수준인지도 알려주실 수 있으실까요? 감사합니다 :)
총평: 일단은 표현상 그럭저럭 깔끔해서 6.5를 드리긴 했는데, 그러면 지금 당장 6.5를 받을 수 있냐? 하면 그건 아닙니다.
제일 큰 이유는 분량의 부족입니다. 기본적으로 250자는 넘겨야지 따로 감점이 없는데, 지금 글은 250자에 꽤나 크게 못 미치는 상황이므로 꼭 본론1을 보완해서 분량을 확보해주셔야 해요.
또한 학생들이 task2보다는 Task1에서 주로 발목을 잡히는데, 여기에서의 추가적인 감점도 어느정도는 들어갈 여지가 있을 겁니다.
우선은 분량 확보에 최대한 신경써주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)