Q. Some people believe that the development of artificial intelligence will make human labour obsolete. Others think that work performed by humans will always be important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
A. It is a common belief that there will still remain many areas that human labour is much more appreciated than artificial intelligence. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the advent of artificial intelligence would substitute human labour in more and more workplaces. On the one hand, there is still a huge difference between a human's emotions and those of artificial intelligence. In fact, it result in various areas that artificial intelligence cannot replace the human workforces such as the art and music industry. For instance, it is still difficult to expect artificial intelligence Artificial Intelligence to create high-quality artwork or music pieces that show a wide range of human emotions. Nevertheless, utilizing computers (경우에 따라 이런 식의 대체도 가능합니다.) Artificial Intelligence on behalf of the human workforce would be a good way for companies to save their resources such as time and money. To specify, once artificial intelligence Artificial Intelligence is programmed to process certain types of work, it could cost a lot less for companies to do their business. This would lead to increasing the demand for the use of AI Artificial Intelligence in many workplaces. For example, a survey showed that companies prefer to cut back on the outcomes in order to invest saved funds in different sectors for the growth of the company and they would consider using Artificial Intelligence as the first choice for an alternative way. To sum up, while it is apparent that human labour would still be valued in some areas, it is undeniable that the modern working environment will need more and more Artificial Intelligence which will end up replacing manual labor humans gradually. (지금 문단 구분이 하나도 안 되어있으므로 그것부터 해주셔야 합니다.)
(257 words)
Grammar 7
Vocabulary 7
Cohesion and Coherence 5/9.0
Task Response 7
정말 감사합니다!!
총평: 글 자체는 잘 써주셨습니다. 위의 수정사항을 보시면 알겠지만, 대부분 내용은 artificial intelligence 의 대소문자 관한 것이었고, 그 외의 수정도 필수가 되는 상황은 아니었어요.
그렇기 때문에 지금 문단만 잘 나눠주셨으면 충분히 더 좋은 글이 되었을 거라, 그 부분이 아쉽네요. 이전 글에 나눠주신 것과 동일하게 이번 글도 나눠주시면 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)
+나는 무조건 7.0 이상의 점수가 필요하다 싶으면, 1. 템플릿 의존을 최소화하고, 2. task1 연습도 꼼꼼하게 챙겨주셔야 합니다.