Q. Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that is is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
A. It is a common belief that web content is not necessary to instruct children. However, there is a more persuasive argument that teaching children by web content could help them to get accustomed to modern society more and to save the environment. On the one hand, some people argue that it could lead children to addiction to digital devices if they are allowed to use web content in school as opposed to paper. To be specific, children could overuse the Internet after they finish studying and doing assignments. For example, my niece who goes to elementary school has been using the Internet too much lately for other purposes rather than studying, which provokes concern for my cousin, her father. Considering these kinds of cases, some people insist the digital content be replaced with paper. Nevertheless, it is much more helpful for children to use digital devices to study and keep up with the development of the modern society. In fact, nowadays it is inevitable to use the Internet in our everyday lives. By Through getting instructions on web services, students can get used to modern lives much better compared to when they only use paper-based learning materials. When it comes to the possibility of addiction, they could be prevented from using the Internet INternet over the limit by proper education and care from adults around them. Furthermore, it could help teach children to save the environment by reducing the usage of paper if children are encouraged to used web content. A good example of this was when I was attending middle school. For one subject, we had to take the Internet-based exam. By doing so, we could save lots of paper we would have used otherwise. There were 36 students in the class and we could have used about 100 sheets of paper for that test. While it is apparent that students could get addicted to using web services, it is undeniable that teaching them by digital content can be very helpful for their future.(문단을 꼭 나눠주세요! 이것도 점수에 들어갑니다.)
Grammar 7
Vocabulary 6
Cohesion and Coherence 5
Task Response 6
총점은 어느 정도 나올까요....? 궁금하네요. 항상 감사합니다!! :)
총평: 이번 글도 이전과 같은 맥락에서 갑니다. 지금 빨간 부분이 거의 없고, 이는 최소한 틀린 부분은 많지 않다는 걸 의미해요. 그러나 문단이 하나도 나뉘어져있지 않고, 이로 인해 글의 가독성이 상당히 떨어지는 상황입니다. 엔터키만 잘 쳐도 최소 6.5점 가량은 보장되는 상황이니까, 꼭! 엔터키를 잘 쳐주세요~문단이 구분되는 경우에 한해서 두 번 쳐주시면 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)