The table gives information concerning results of a survey responded by American customers about shopping at K-Mart. All in all, it is noticeable that every response was dictated by gender, and an interesting feature is that an average of 10% of people responded other reasons for shopping at K-Mart. (이렇게 쓰면 Overview가 전혀없게 됩니다. 1. 앞의 성별 관련 사항은 표에 대한 소개를 할 때, 즉 첫 문장에 같이 들어가야 하는 사항입니다. 2. 뒤의 기타 관련 부분은 절대 Overview에 들어갈 중요 사항이 아닙니다.)
To begin with, one of the first things to note is that a
disproportionate number of male consumers responded that not remote location is
the best virtue. This figure was 30%, but while (이건 그냥 외우시면 되는데, Task1 표 문제에서는 사실상 however와 but을 쓸 일이 없다고 보시면 돼요.) the figure of females only accounted
for one-fifth of the total whole responses. In contrast, only 2 % of males and 0% of
females answered that 24-hour service was the reason why they made a purchase
at K-Mart. In addition, friendly staff also was not a common response. The
figures of both males and females were 7% and 8%, respectively.
Moreover, it is noteworthy that the store’s reputation accounted for the highest response among women. This figure was 27% and the figure of men was 18%. It is seen that good prices were selected by 17% of females and 15% of males, and parking was chosen by 17% of men and 19% of women. These responses indicated an average of 16% and 18%, respectively. (이렇게 쓰면 단순 나열하는 것에 불과하게 됩니다.)
총평: (5/6/6/7) 6.0
지금 문장 구조 패러프레이징이 그럭저럭 괜찮게 된 편이라 여기서 점수를 벌어갔지만, 내용으로 봤을 때에는 분석이 그렇게 잘 된 상황이 아닙니다. 우선 Overview에서 완전히 엉뚱한 내용이 왔기 때문에 그것부터 수정하는 게 제일 중요합니다.
또한, 마지막 문단에서도 단순히 각 수치가 어땠는지 나열하는 것은 크게 의미가 없습니다. 대신 '분석' 을 해주셔야 하는데, 예를 들면 어떤 항목에서는 남성의 수치가 높고 어떤 항목에서는 여성의 수치가 높은지를 다뤄주시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)
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