Due to the development and rapid
expansion of supermarket in some countries, many mall, local business are
unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will
bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or
disagree?
I strongly agree with the opinion (이건 그냥 외워주세요!) that local communities
would be inactivation as the decrease inactivated with the increase (decrease를 increase로 쓰는 건 정말 곤란할 수 있습니다.) of supermarkets. It has been observed
that the sellers in supermarkets are usually residents in the areas, so local
community also has developed with supermarkets. However, these days, more and
more consumers go to malls that is improving rapidly instead of there which where are
less systematic and uncomfortable for shopping.
(words 62/ 5 min)
총평: 이제는 초반부가 괜찮아졌고, 시간도 잘 맞추셨네요. 앞으로도 이런 느낌으로 적어주시면 됩니다. 대신, increase-decrease같이 핵심 단어를 반대로 쓰는 일은 없도록 해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)