▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, educating children to help them
become appropriate members of society has become an essential element of
education to parents. There are some arguments on this issue that whether children
should be taught this information from their parents or at school which is
basically aimed for educating pupils as good citizens. In my perspective, I
believe that both have their own responsibilities to teach them for the future
generation.
On the one hand, some people claim that children
must be taught the way they can be better members in the future. They suggest
that it is undeniable that home education plays a fundamental role to children to be better members in the future as their home is the first environment that they can have various experiences
as one of the members in society indirectly. Furthermore, parents should teach
them basic obligations and regulations at home because children spend their
most of their time with their parents and these information is needed to be taught from a
their young age form them. Therefore, it is clear that the education at home is
vital to children to become a good resource to society. <(elaborate를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
Others, however, believe that school is the
only institution for teaching their pupils to be as a good citizen. Inherently, the ultimate
purpose of school’s education is the that cultivation of pupils’ knowledge in an academic
way and raising their social skills within the wider community which the school
offers. Therefore, school contributes many a lot of chances to provide a qualitative
curriculum which enables children to be able to experience various activities
with their peers and teachers, which can never be done do at home alone. Moreover,
these experiences can motivate children to learn how to improve their social
skills such as cooperation and sympathy which are the vital elements of being
in a huge community they will should get through in the future.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that both
home education and schools should recognize their important role as an
educational value. I believe if parents and schools assist the process to teach
children in a cooperative way, it might be much helpful to raise them up as one
of the vital resources of society. Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 문법에 틀리시는 곳이 일부 있으십니다. 그 부분들은 글 안에 있는 수정을 확인해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |