Some people say that enough money can bring happiness while others say that enough money can bring problems. Which side do you agree with?
Being able to be happy is the one of most crucial factors in life. Some people say that enough money brings is bring happiness. Others people believe that enough money has problems. I think that enough money bring happiness.
Firstly, when we have enough money, we can buy anything we want what you want anything. For example, when we want something. we have to work for saving money , we have to work in order to earn that money. However, if we have much money , we do not need to work for saving money. Therefore, having enough money makes our life happy.
Secondly, having enough money can reduce economic burden. For instance, we as sometimes see on TV, it is reported that some people are unable to afford their child support or living expenses due to lack of money and eventually make a miserable and depressing choice such as crime or suicide. In this regard. I, I think that individuals who have enough money to sports support themselves are happier in their life. Also, people who have enough money do not get stress. They are free from the stress they get from companies in about stress of company.
In conclusion, when we all the points are considered. I maintain that having enough money can make people happy because they can enjoy their life.
엔터키를 주의했는데 이제 주제가 뭔가이상하네여. ..
총평: (5/6/5/5) 5.5
그래도 엔터키랑 대소문자가 해결돼서 이전보다는 훨~~~~씬 낫네요. 이제 추가적인 사항들에 대해 말씀드리겠습니다.
먼저, 문법과 어휘에 대한 공부를 많이 해주셔야 합니다. 즉, 기본기를 다지는 작업이 필요한 것이죠. 목표 점수에 따라 문법이랑 공부를 얼마나 많이 해야하는지만 달라질뿐, 하는 것 자체는 무조건 필요하니까 고되더라도 꼭 해주세요!
또한 당분간은 기본기를 다질 때까지 템플릿을 쓰시는 것도 좋습니다. 템플릿은 단점도 있지만, 반대로 여러 장점도 있기 때문에 아직 글쓰기에 미흡한 지금 단계에서는 오히려 도움이 될 거에요.
수고하셨습니다 :)