You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
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Nowadays, most young people tend to spend a lot of time in shopping centers and in modern society, and some people have a negative opinion about this phenomenon. However, I opine that the merits override the demerits.
To begin with, most young people go shopping and relieve their stress. First of all, if the government regulates young people to do not enjoy their shopping they can not would not be able to concentrate on improving their academic score or to work efficiently at the workplace. To be specific, it is no exaggeration to say that young people earn money for consumption and if the government regulates their behavior young people would lose motivation to study and work in studying and working hard in the workplace. (앞에서 했던 말을 거의 그대로 반복하는 것에 지나지 않아서 사실 별로 좋은 문장은 아니지만...6.0에서는 아무런 지장이 없기 때문에 그냥 두겠습니다.) Therefore, if the government regulation of young people behavior can occur bad results.
Moreover, especially shopping has a positive effect on students. First and foremost, most students search for their interests coincide common interests when they first make first friends and they talk about which products are interesting in this process, they can easily form a positive relationship because they spend a lot of time to get shopping together. As a result, it is not just about making friends easier but also helps them to do better in group life when they get older.
As it has been demonstrated, in modern society people concern about young people spending their time in shopping centers. However, shopping helps young peoplein that it motivates young people to study and work harder, as well as enabling them to make positive relationships with others. the reason why they should work hard and they motivated to work harder and young students can easily to make positive relationships with others.
총평: (5/6/6/6) 6.0
일단 이 글이 40분 내로 제출되었다면 내용상 그리 풍부하지 못하다는 단점을 안고도 6.0은 충분히 가능합니다. 문법에서 그래도 엄청 틀리지는 않았기 때문이죠. 어차피 일반적인 학생들이 내용에서 점수를 벌어가기에는 거의 불가능하기 때문에, 그냥 이정도로만 유지해주셔도 좋습니다. 대신 시간을 맞추는 연습을 꼭 해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)
글자수: 253자
목표점수: 6.0
이전점수: 5.5
외부도움: 일부 단어
소요 시간: 45분