안녕하세요, 첨삭 부탁드려요.
목표점수는 7점이고 12월 중으로 시험을 보려고 합니다.
253자이고 17분 27초 걸렸습니다.
감사합니다.
Nowadays, we We are using computers more and more ever than before nowadays. As With developments of computer technologies, most students use their personal computers to learn. Some people believe that there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.
Indeed, many contents have replaced the role of teachers in these days. For example, many students use a Youtube for educating YouTube for education. It provides students with vast contents. Many of them are made for educational purposes and the students actually love utilizing them. However, although it seemingly alternates the teachers perfectly, it would not able to cover entire role of the teachers in the classroom. The students learn a lot of things from their teachers not only knowledges but also skills to live their life properly with other people such as relationship skills. Many of them are prone to act like whom they communicate with. I strongly believe that one of the biggest effect for the students is the teachers. This is because Because the students spend a lot of time with their teachers in the school.
In addition, the teachers have responsibilities to lead their students to the right way. Sometimes, some students do not proceed to the right way. For instance, they try to smoke, drink alcohols, bother their classmates and even drop out of quit their school. I insist that the teachers have to take care of these students and help them keep doing what they are supposed to do.
For these reasons, I believe that the computers can not substitute the teachers' role even though they have been developed a lot.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
이번 글도 크게 문제는 없었습니다. 자잘한 사항 정도만 봐주시면 될 것 같고, 본론 두 문단의 비율만 맞춰주세요!
씽씽님의 경우 어느정도 마음 편하게 공부하셔도 될 것 같습니다. 대신 공부를 놓으라는 말은 절대 아닙니다! 꾸준히 해주셔야 해요~라이팅도 매일 쓸 필요까지는 없어도, 2~3일에 한번 정도는 한 세트를 쓰고 첨삭받는 식으로 공부하세요! (매일매일 쓰시면 더 좋습니다.)
수고하셨습니다 :)