Some people say that the main environmental problem of out time is the loss of particular species of platns and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that people have a has tendancy to consider environmental problems as like air, fine dust, water shortage, etc more than the loss of particular species of platns and animals. However, It it is evident that the most serious issue of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals.
(제가 나눠드린 것처럼, 문단을 구분할 때에는 엔터를 두 번 쳐주시면 됩니다. 이것도 점수에 들어가므로 주의해주세요!)
Air pollution is a rising environmental trend, in not only Korea, but also all over the world. This stronly connects our health and everybody is inevitably impacted on inevitably evertime, and everywhere. For instance, research has shown that fine dust which is blown away from the North-West side causes various allergies makes people allergic for bodies. This reaction might leads to serious disease.
Nethertheless, I support the idea that the main environmental problem is the loss of particular species of plant sand animals. Food chain consists of 5steps. The bottom line is made of mineral, inorganic matters. The members of the second line Second line's members can only eat minerals and, plant that is right under second level. As it is shown like this, All the food chain is well organized and if some species become extinct of species is distincts, this system will be not functioned well. Take the example of Africa, where the number of elephants that are shot by guns is mans are getting increasing and this follows the extinction distinction of predators which eat the elephants. Undoubtedly, people are the 1st predators this food chain, and it can leads to food shortage.
To sum up, although it is apparent that other issues should be considered as serious problems, it is undeniable that the loss lossing some of species and animals can cause a lot of problems to distinct of humans.
라이팅 공부를 이제 시작하는 단계라 해커스 WRITING책에서 본 구조형식 참고해서 작성해보았습니다.
총평: (6/6/6/5) 6.0
아직 문법이 완벽하게 갖춰진 상태가 아니므로, 안정적인 6.0 이상이 필요하시다면 꼭 글을 쓰는 것과는 별개로 문법에 대한 공부를 해주실 필요가 있습니다. (제가 6.0을 드렸지만, 아직 실전에서 6.0이 나오기는 조금 어려울 거에요.)
또한 distinct의 경우 뜻을 잘못 활용해주셔서, 이번 기회에 확실히 익혀주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)