질문 : Nowadays, food has become to easier to prepare. This change has improved the way people live. To what extent do you agree or this agree with this argument?
These days a lot of alternatives food products are used for a meal than before. Thanks to this development those convenience meal our lifestyle has changed in many ways. Some people think that those HMR(Home meal Replacement) ruined many people’s health balance, however, I strongly believe that if we have many options we can choose, It it would definitely be better than when we don’t (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) have.
First of all, we have to eat something everyday. However, modern Modern people are usually very busy these days, so they technically do not have enough time to cook. Thankfully, we can give balanced nutrients to our body easily thanks to since various high quality HMR in the market. For example. There there are many baby milk and convenience baby food, which can cooked by a very simple process. Because of it, working parents can prepare a meal for their babies easily and it makes possible to care their babies more carefully and do many things with them. It means that because of HMR they can go picnic and travel with babies through this, they can build up more good memories.
Moreover, cooking is definitely time and energy consuming house chores. It is usually considered as a mom’s or wife’s role. However, many women are working and they do not think they have to do that, and thus cooking itself can become a origin of deep family conflict. On top of that, we can enjoy several food from various countries vary country easily and it helps people diversify the food they eat. Referance According to some studies about deadly diseases, most common reason to get a serious disease is people’s diet habit. So if we eat various food through HMR we can prevent the bad diet habit
Consequently, some people worry that health problem that might be happen in our body as regards HMR as fast food or junk food. However, the adventages like saving time and anerge gives people to do something more they wanted and it I might better for our body in aspect of diversify foods.
총평: (6/7/6/5) 6.0
현 시점에서는 문법에서의 자잘한 오류를 줄이는 게 최우선 과제가 되겠습니다. 사실 하나하나 자체는 그리 크게 작용하지 않아요. 그러나 이게 거의 매 문장마다 있기 때문에 어느정도 누적된 타격이 크게 작용한다고 보시면 돼요. 최대한 복잡하게 쓰려고 하지 마시고 덜 틀리겠다는 생각으로 작성해보세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)