27분이요.
파란 부분은 시간끝난 후(27분 이후) 작성한 부분이에요. 가끔 시간이 모자라네요ㅠㅠ
Total 187 words (파란부분없이는 142 words)
Family Picnics
The
City Manager is surveying the opinion of the community about family picnics
held in public parks. On the one hand, public parks are created for people to
enjoy nature. On the other hand, large family gatherings can be noisy and
occupy a lot of park space. The City Manager has asked you to complete an
opinion survey.
Choose
the option that you prefer. Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reasons
for your choice. Write about 150-200 words.
▉Option
A: Family picnics should not be allowed in public parks.
▉Option
B: Family picnics should be allowed in parks.
I agree with the statement (이것까지 넣어주셔야 더 완성도가 높은 문장이 됩니다.) that large family gatherings could bother other visitors
in public parks. However, I do not think that big gatherings should be banned
in public parks. There are a couple of reasons why I think so.
One reason is that public parks are designed for outdoor
activities of citizens. Unless visitors’ activities harm other people or parks,
all activities should be allowed. A family picnic itself is not an activity that bothers (참고로 to bother도 문법상 문제가 있거나 하지는 않습니다.) to
bother other people, so it defeats the purpose of public parks to ban all
family picnics in the parks defeats the purpose of public parks.
The other reason is that there are other democratic ways to
resolve this issue. It is too forceful to ban all family gatherings in public
parks because only a few people make disturbances. For example, the City city government could
promote a campaign to request people not to disturb other people too much.
Also, parks could designate some areas for large family gatherings. Then people
who want to enjoy some quiet time in nature could avoid the designated areas.
With the aforementioned reasons, I do not agree (여기도 서론과 비슷하게 바꿔주시면 됩니다. 혹은 저렇게 넣기가 너무 길어서 부담되시면, 그냥 agree대신 believe로 가시면 돼요.) that the
City government should prohibit family picnics in public parks.
총평: 댓글로 질문해주신 부분의 경우, 저걸 어떠한 의미로 적으셨는지는 알겠는데, 사실 한국어로 의도하신 저 표현이 영어로 아주 깔끔하게 번역되는 건 아닙니다. 사실 저는 그냥 democratic ways로 가도 충분하다고 보지만, 굳이 바꾸시겠다면 there are alternatives that could satisfy everyone~이런 식으로 풀어적는 수밖에 없어요.
수고하셨습니다 :)