Your Answer ▼
People living in modern society are more likely to spend time by themselves compared to the people living in past. Due to many working hours, the more people cannot get free time at work, the more people do not spend the time for someone. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 않습니다.), I strongly agree with the statement which people today care a lot less about others than ever before. To begin with, it is common that companies where an individual’s main income do not allow them to take a break at home where is the only place to get out of from work. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.)Even some company forces Some companies even force workers to finish the tasks as quickly bring the tasks to finish as much as possible without extra paying, which happen often. Not surprisingly, indeed, the situation is widespread in Asian society such as Korea, Japan and China. As a result, this situation makes not only individual careless more but also being selfish. This is proven that people choose to spend most times for individual management activity rather than focusing time to others such as exercise, reading a book and travelling. As looking in social media, (여기도 댓글 주세요!) many people upload the way of how to learn new skills to improve themselves and make it a second income job. This means that even people take free time as a way to learn money. Self-management itself is beneficial but people have become more competitive. Therefore, there are more things is more thing that they need to focus on than caring for others. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the social phenomenon that people nowadays do not take care less about other people due to their lack of time between work and individual life.
270자 7.0글을 참고 최대한 길게길게 두문장을 하나로 합치려고해봤어요 -> 지금 포인트를 완전히 잘못 잡으셨는데, 이거의 반대가 되어야 하니다. 최대한 짧게짧게 한 문장을 두 개 세 개로 나누셔야 해요. 문장이 길어지면 그냥 무조건 손해본다고 생각하셔도 무방합니다. 이는 Su님은 물론 99%의 다른 학생들도 마찬가지에요. 문법실수를 줄이고.... 내용이 산으로 가진않으나 좀 어색.. 하긴하네요
안정적인 6.0목표 그 이상으로는 어떻게가야할까요? 흠..
이거는 안정적인 6.0을 확보한 다음에나 생각할 문제입니다. 현재는 안정적인 6.0이 확보되지 않았어요.
|