Your Answer ▼ It is true that children live with numerous pressure about study and future from their parents and relatives. There is a message used in some countries, which is that children can achieve everything if they try hard enough. Some adults think this message give energy to them. However, i believe it causes negative effects to children. In this essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion. (템플릿을 기계적으로 외워서 작용하면 지금과 같은 문제가 생깁니다. 초록색부분에 대해서는 밑에서 말씀드릴게요.)
On the one hand, some people argue that this message is appropriate to encourage their (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.) study and goals. This is because, the message makes children to believe trust that they can achieve anything by their effort. Also, it can provide more courage to challenge new goals and difficult tasks. Thus, it is helpful for students to contront fear and keep chasing their goals. Moreover, especially, this sentence is more beneficial to the young generation. They have a lot of dreams since they are at the beginning of life and they think everything is possible.
On the other hand, if children want to stop chasing dream, they cannot stop because of the message. In other words, this phrase put a lot of pressure on pressureon their shoulder such as parents' and teachers' expectation and interests, hurting their mind and fitness. This is because, children may push themselves to their limits and work too hard which affets them negatively. Finally, unrealistic goals of being forced on students allow (얘는 긍정, 중립문에서 사용 가능하며, 지금의 경우 적절하지 않습니다.) them have poor concentration and poor health condition, affecting children's growth.
In conclusion, this message makes too much pressure to give students the right support. Therefore, in my opicion, it produce more disadvantages than advantages to children' lives.
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