▶ Your Answer :
Since the people in
the fields such as sports and show businesses earn astronomical amounts of money
every year and are in the spotlight, immature kids tend to be excited about
them. Although it is really important to
establish the future in the early ages, a blind fantasy about the particular life that
mentioned above can be dangerous for children.
Achieving goals in those fields is really
tough. There are much a lot more competitors than other normal areas, and only few
people accomplished their targets and get attentions from media. If youngsters are do not aware of this adversity, and it can be finally turned out as a pipe
dream later when all their friends already settle down. Consequently, this
false hope without precise target can ruin their life.
Besides, the immature people sometimes do not
consider their aptitude, when they decide their future. The aptitude of an
individual can be usually found by their parents or relatives, who are their
nearest and dearest, and they help to set up their dream. Nevertheless, parents
sometimes even encourage their children to jump into the fields with
uncertainties. In South Korea, actually, many lots of mothers bring their kids to
auditions to get a part of a drama or show from TV. <(이 내용이 어떻게 글쓴이는 주제를 support 하지 않는 것 과 연관이 있는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 즉, 글쓴이가 전달하고자 하는 central message가 무엇인지 잘 모르겠습니다. 또한 문단의 unity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.)
To sum up, hasty and false dreams can ruin a
person’s life. Thus, kids and parents need to find their aptitudes and support
to establish an exact target for their future, not following someone’s life who
are in fancy areas with blindness.
Score: 7 Comment: 질문에 대한 답이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시고 elaborate를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 고 하셨습니다.
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