■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading

▶ Your Answer :

There is a debate over "which comes first, education or talent?" <(Need to elaborate more and need thesis statement. 또한 둘 중에 어느 것이 중요한지에 대해 묻는 질문이 아니라 어는 것이 generally true인지에 대해 묻고 있는 질문입니다.) 

It is convincing that talents are important for some reasons. If we educate all the students my our compulsory educational system, some are becoming a police and some are becoming an artist.<(very unclear/문장구조가 어색합니다) This is a great evidence that every person people has his or her own talents. Furthermore, if we deny the different gift that each person has, how can we find our own characteristics and diversity of life? <(에세이에서 질문을 묻는 것은 좋지 않습니다.) Thus, what is important is not the conceptual generalised birth but the education that can stimulate different talents of different students both for the entire society and the students. <(왜 어떤 사람은 특별하게 innate talent가 있는지 에 대한 관점 보다는 중요성에 대해서 서술을 해주신 것 같습니다. 또한 talent and education에 대해서 둘다 서술을 해주셨기 때문에 focus가 무엇인지 헷갈리게 들립니다. 또한 clarity가 떨어지기 때문에 전체적으로 central message가 무엇인지 헷살립니다.) 

However, the power of education should not be neglected. The great virtue of learning is the privilege of mankind. Anyone can become a musician or a scientist if he or she can be supported by an adequate education. The great power of education and our social system is maintaining our world with belife <(??)that 'if we learn with devotion, we can do what we want'. Thus, what ever the given talents of each person are, we should encourage our growing students by strengthening the belife on education and its practical application to our education system. 

In conclusion, it is natural that some people are born to be gifted in certain talents. And it is also true that with the help of education, any child can pursue their dreams. Thus, what we should be concentrate is, how can we manage the different gifts with our educational programmes for the best interests of our child and country.

Score: 5

Comment: 내용은 어느정도 fair한데 overall로는 clarity/focus/specificity 가 떨어집니다. 또한 Introduction에 improvement가 필요합니다. 문법상 spelling에 너무 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.