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The
main purpose of public libraries is to provide books, and they should not
waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi-tech media
such as computer software, videos and DVDs. To
what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? |
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It is true
to say that owing to the enhanced technologies these days, public libraries intend
to offer improved services, in/regarding 등등 취향껏 넣어주시면 됩니다. not only books but also computer-based information.
It is an ongoing debate whether Although
there are arguments against offering diverse resources of information in libraries,
I believe that other private or commercial services cannot replace The other reason is that, even though people
are able to get information from DVD rental services and Internet websites, people
in poverty may not able to approach to those commercial services due to the
insufficient income. Since the main purpose of public libraries derived from the
equality of information in public, we need to pursue the prosperity of knowledge
regardless of wealthiness. What is more, thanks to the proliferation of state-of-art
technologies, the trend has been changing these days from books to the hi-tech
medium. Hence, administrations should consider to change the library to
provide those developed services. In addition, if libraries install electronic
devices and put all the books in there as e-books, staffs are able to use leftover
spaces in efficient ways, and people might able to have more spaces in the
library and enjoy books by using the hi-tech devices instead of reading books
in a conventional way. (이 부분의 경우 그 자체로만 놓고 보면 문제가 없긴 한데, 대신 현 문단의 큰 흐름, 즉 공정한 접근이라는 측면에서 벗어난다는 점이 문제입니다. 고로 아예 다른 문단으로 내리거나 지우는 게 좋습니다.) In condensation, although there are some people
who insist that libraries should focus on their main purpose which is to provide
books, I am firmly convinced that now books are already conservative ways to provide
knowledge to the public. Thus, by offering medium services, libraries are
able to utilize more spaces and people also can relish the latest information. |
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[ 410 words] |
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Grammar |
Vocabulary |
Cohesion and Coherence |
Task Response |
8/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
7/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
감사합니다.
총평: 잘 써주시긴 했는데, 분량이 조금 긴 편이라...이것만 약간 마음에 걸리네요. 시간 조절은 잘 해주셨으리라 믿겠습니다!
본론 두 번째 문단의 경우 본론1과는 달리 문단의 중심 내용이 되는 사항이 두 가지가 있기 때문에 적절하지 않습니다. 따라서 삭제 혹은 위치이동을 하거나, 두 내용을 동시에 포괄할 수 있는 상위의 주장으로 문단을 묶어주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)