Training all 65 year olds to use a computer is a good policy of the government. Do you agree?
It is true that many old people don’t (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) know how to use a computer well these days. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.), we We need a solution for this problem.
Im my opinion, The the Government needs to make a policy which is about training elderly people to use a computer. Private computer schools are normally expensive. So old people don’t (여기 둘은 위에서 말씀드린 바와 같이 가고요.) want to pay for them. However, the government Government can a offer free computer class or some other class that is cheaper than private schools by making the policy for them. Accordingly , old people will attend the class more.
Furthermore, It it can make many good effects for the government to make old people know how to use a computer. For example, they will be able to vote and do a paperwork online if they take the computer class from the government. Therefore, The government don’t the government would not need to hire many workers like a public officer. This makes the government spend money to formulate a better policy for the citizens.
In conclusion, it It is definitely good for the government to make a policy about training old people to use a computer. It can bring about lots of useful results (이렇게 쓰면 본론을 요약할 수 없습니다. 실제 두 본론의 핵심이 요약되도록 글을 수정해주세요!)
총평: (5/6/6/6) 6.0
지금 제일 중요한 것은 분량을 확보하는 작업입니다. 저는 분량 부족에 따른 감점을 따로 하지 않지만, 실전에서는 이러한 감점이 있기 때문에 꼭 250자를 안정적으로 넘길 수 있어야 해요. 다른 대소문자 문제 등도 있긴 하지만, 일단은 본론부터 늘려서 250자를 확실히 채워주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)