▶ Your Answer :
In contemporary society, people have different opinions on investigation of space field. Some assert that it has not benefits because it costs a lot. However, others believe that the government has to invest on space field. This is because it affects positively to the future lifestyle. They believe it will be able to lead a convenient and valuable lifestyle. This essay will outline the reasons of their opinions. <(Thesis statement가 discuss both views를 답해주시는 것 같습니다. opinions 를 서술해주신다고 하기 보다는 advantages/disadvantages를 서술 해주실거라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다) On the one hand, space exploration is important for our future lives. If we develop this field, it can discover the new science field and it will be able to offer many job opportunities. It can affect not only the science field but also the economic systems. Also, development of space field leads to the healthy and convenient life style for people. We will be able to go to space to travel and to live. People can live in other planets instead of the polluted earth. On the other hand, some assert that space exploration has many disadvantages. This is because, it costs a the large amount of money. They believe that some people cannot gain enough education or health services due to the space exploration. This is because the government has spent too much budget on them. Therefore, if the government spends enormous money on development of healthy lifestyle for the public instead of space exploration, it will help people have happier lives. Overall, space exploration can lead to many advantages both economically and technologically for our future generation. However, it wastes too much amount of money, so some people cannot gain enough welfare from the government. <Need coherence> This is because some people disagree about space development. Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. Silly mistakes/small mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 또한 조금 더 다양한 표현을 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |