▶ Your Answer :
In modern society, destroying nature has become a serious problem. The environment is changing rapidly. This is because many companies only care about their economical goals. This essay will provide the causes of environmental change and present some solutions. To begin with, because of the fierce competitive society, many companies only focus on their successes and they have prioritized making money, so they rarely care about the environment problems. They deforest to manufacture furniture or papers. Also, they gain minerals from mountains. Because of this, animals lose their habitats. Moreover, people drive their own cars which causes occur air pollution only for their convenience, but this causes air pollution . People these days pollute the environment deliberately or unintentionally. To solve these problems, changing people's awareness is important. First of all, the government should encourages people to use public transportation instead of their own cars through implementation of campaigns. Also, using resources from nature is unavoidable, so companies should plant trees to preserve the mountain for the environment as well as their business. Through this behavior, people can preserve the environment and companies can gain proper resources from the nature. Overall, many companies only care about their own business. However, through implementation of campaigns and making a law <(not mentioned in body) , people can find the solution for companies and people as well as the environment. For example, planting trees and using a public transportation. Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 단어형태에 주의를 조금 더 해주시고 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |