안녕하세요 선생님 7.0 목표입니다. 길이 계속 길게써져서 마지막 체킹할 시간이 부족했네요..
In some
countries around the world men and women are having babies late in life. What
are the reasons? What are the effects on the society and the family?
In the contemporary life, a range of people
tend to have babies late. Regarding this issue, people might have a different opinion
about this. However, I personally believe that the main reasons are the change
of gender relation and individualism, and this trend has negative repercussions
on society.
With the advancement of society, women
are finding it possible for them to receive higher education compared to the
past due to societal shift of gender relation. Under those circumstances, they
are required to learn profound and in-depth study in the prestigious universities university, which is fairly demanding and taxing. In this light, they may do
not have enough time to get married, and they are naturally likely to have a
baby late. Moreover, modern people’s schedules are hectic and stressful since
they have to compete with others consistently to have a competitive edge in modern
society. Such being the case, even though people get married, they are
reluctant to have a baby. Rather, they just want to enjoy their personal life by travelling, or having a special hobby such as golf, scuba diving which are expensive. However,
if they have a child early, they worry that they cannot enjoy their personal
life. For these reasons, they tend not to have babies early.
The problems pertaining to having babies
late have been entrenched in modern society. Firstly, the later individuals
have babies, the older people increase in community. From this point of view,
it is ubiquitously presumed that there is the lack of young people who are
necessary for labor and company when the elderly have to retire. In this light,
it has negative effects on overall company’s profit and society’s economy. Secondly,
raising children can be a physical and financial burden for old parents because
they who are facing retirement have no sufficient money to raise their
children.
In conclusion, I maintain the main causes why
modern people are likely to have children late in their life are their busy
life and modern gender relation, and I firmly argue that this issue can bring
out negative impacts in both society and personal life.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
잘 써주셨습니다. 이정도면 7.0 받는데에 아무런 문제는 없을 거고, task1 정도만 조금 끌어올리시면 돼요. 대신 본론 두 문단의 비율은 조금 더 조절해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)